


Convivial [Taeten]

by HJFallvoge



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: BoyxBoy, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Physical Abuse, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Ten (NCT) Being an Asshole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-05-10 09:40:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14734542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HJFallvoge/pseuds/HJFallvoge
Summary: con·viv·i·alkənˈvivēəl/Submitadjective(of an atmosphere or event) friendly, lively, and enjoyable.(of a person) cheerful and friendly; jovial; aka, the opposite of both their lives.Chapters are a mix of texts and paragraphs.Top!TenBottom!TaeyongMentions of suicide and abuse, so please refrain from reading if you're sensitive about such topics!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Includes mentions of suicide and abuse, so please don't read if you're sensitive about such topics!

**This story contains a texting format so the grammatical errors in the texts will be made on purpose.**

**Also,** **this entire story deserves a trigger warning, so don't read if you're sensitive about suicidal thoughts/mention of abuse, etc.**

 

taebreeze✅: they keep commenting

taebreeze✅: idk what to do

taebreeze✅: I'm sorry if I'm bothering you, I just feel like crying, and I wish this could all stop. Why do they have to do this to me? I have no idea what I did to be treated this way and I wish I could just kms and shit. While I sleep, all I can think about is how useless I am, how no one loves me. I wish that while I sleep, I could never wake up again. I don't want to face tomorrow. While I sleep, I end up hoping that I don't see the sun anymore. Do you know how hard it is to feel this way? I don't want to wake up anymore, Mark. I just want to die.

canadianleenotthekoreanone: now that is a long ass paragraph

canadianleenotthekoreanone: don't worry, Tyong, it'll be alright

canadianleenotthekoreanone: i'm here for you

canadianleenotthekoreanone: just ignore them, alright?

canadianleenotthekoreanone: you're worth more than the idiotic shit they say, okay?

canadianleenotthekoreanone: you have so much more to experience in life, don't end it all because of some assholes

canadianleenotthekoreanone: don't you want to get married one day? have kids? Drive?

canadianleenotthekoreanone: get your first job and hold your first paycheck? experience what it's like to see yourself recover from this? to simply eat good food?

taebreeze✅: that all sounds nice

canadianleenotthekoreanone: i'll come over to your house rn if you want to vent to someone irl

taebreeze✅: no, it's alright plus it's like 1 am

taebreeze✅: but thank you, that helped

taebreeze✅: I just wish it wouldn't be so hard to ignore them when they keep spamming me

taebreeze✅: but im calmer now, so rlly thanks

canadianleenotthekoreanone: it'll be alright, don't worry

canadianleenotthekoreanone: hopefully this meme will make u feel better

taebreeze✅: nope, just makes me lose hope for society

taebreeze✅: either way, ima steal it

**did i mention that this will have short ass chapters**


	2. Chapter 2

lee2: hey what happened to all ur posts??

tyongie 


	3. Chapter 3

lee2: hey bitch

lee2: lee3porn what's ur name

lee2: i have to talk to you

Ben10: what is it??

Ben10: also, dont ever fucking call me that again

Ben10: or else you wont be the only one getting your ass beat

lee2: haha so hilarious i forgot to laugh

Ben10: must be a serious case of alzheimers

lee2: look that's not the point

lee2: taeyong is feeling kinda suicidal and shit, so i feel like you should slow down a bit with your insults

lee2: like, he keeps venting to me about you assholes and it's becoming really hard for me to make him feel loved, with what you're saying to him

lee2: sometimes i just feel like he's hopeless though

lee2: srly u guys call him ugly and he believes u guys like look at him

lee2: how can he be so blind like it upsets me because he is not in the least bit ugly, yet he says so just because you guys comment that on his photos

Ben10: sounds like someone is gay for his fatass

Ben10: who says u need to pretend when u can go eat his fucking ass and enjoy it

Ben10: i mean why tf u have a picture of him in the first place?? 

lee2: science reasons

Ben10: plus that's an old picture - he has brown hair now

lee2: only because you made fun of it

lee2: he was gorgeous, idk what you were talking about

lee2: tell me u dont agree

     

Ben10: go away ugly

lee2: stop bullying him you know he's not ugly

Ben10: how about, if you don't stick with the damn plan, I'll tell everyone about you know w h a t and tell taeyong how you planned to hurt him

lee2: i dont want to hurt him

Ben10: if you don't then it's you that'll get hurt

lee2: i already am hurt by doing this

Ben10: let's not talk about this rn, okay? I'm not backing down, so fuck off

lee2: Ten, I'm serious. I'm not hurting him.

Ben10: i cant believe you're so fucking gay for him

Ben10: you're disgusting

Ben10: gay people are gross. he's right to believe he's ugly because he is

lee2: now you're just butthurt and stfu gay people are not gross your breath is

lee2: and so is ur name cuz it has porn in it

Ben10: don't fucking say that again or i'll release the damn video

lee2: ok, fine. Also, nice selfie

lee2: no wonder you bully him, it's because your ass is jealous of his godly looks

Ben10: WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GET THAT PICTURE!!!

lee2: bye i need to go text anyone but you

Ben10: WHERE DID YOU GET THAT GODDAMN PICTURE I SWEAR I'LL MAKE UR LIFE HELL AS WELL IF U DONT TELL ME

lee2: it's already hell dumbass

lee2: im trying to make myself hate him so this will be easier for me, but i cant.

lee2: "damn i fucking hate how he has everything life could fucking offer him and he decides to ignore it because a couple of people call him ugly and throw spit balls at him he's such a fucking coward"

lee2: If you want me to think that I wont. He's not useless or worthless and he deserves much better than how you're treating him. This is too stressful for me.

Ben10: idgaf! Where did you get the damn photo!

lee2: I'm not in a good mood, so just leave me alone

**Shit is getting wild**


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> help

#1Team10fan: have any new information on the little cunt?

mArkSS: don't text me during class

#1Team10Fan: did you??

mArkSS: no

mArkSS: nothing important to you at least. It is to me though

mArkSS: mostly just talk about him being suicidal. Seriously, you guys should stop

#1Team10Fan: no, alright?

#1Team10Fan: stop trying to talk to me at school also

mArkSS: ?? Then bye??

#1Team10Fan: you know what i mean

#1Team10Fan: Taeyong might get suspicious

MmArkSS: for one thing, I didn't see him this morning. We have next period together so I'll try and talk to him then

mArkSS: and secondly, since you're not listening to me through text i thought speaking to u in person would be better

mArkSS: you didn't have to beat me up though. I have a bruise on my damn stomach and shoulder because of you. Im lucky i even made it in class in time

#1Team10Fan: if you're worried about that, then imagine how Taeyong's body must look like by now

#1Team10Fan: oh wait, you would know, wouldn't you

_mArkSS is typing_

_mArkSS stopped typing_

_mArkSS is typying_

mArkSS: I'm not going to argue with you.

mArkSS: here's a meme account so you can chill

#1Team10Fan: why send a meme account??

mArkSS: they're dank memes, just thought you would like them

mArkSS: @autizticoverdoze on insta

#1Team10Fan: alright, sounds trustworthy enough

mArkSS: don't be a stalker and make sure to like their shit since they're a smol account, alright??

#1Team10Fan: you could have just said this is your own account

mArkSS: it isn't, honestly

#1Team10Fan: if you say so

**Im not self promoting lmao this actually has to do with the story**

**if this is someone's actual account then total coincidence lmao**


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haha kill me

**Full chapter boiissss**

Taeyong stifled a snort to himself as he pressed the ''post'' button on his Instagram page. Maybe it wasn't worthy to be the last post he would make, but so be it. Those normies better appreciate that he even bothered to post a meme on this day.

Taeyong skipped school today. He didn't skip school to go and vandalize property, nor to terrorise anybody. Not to stay home and binge watch his favorite shows, which he seems to never find himself to enjoy anymore, nor to sleep in. He wasn't skipping school for fun.

Today he planned to end his 'worthless' live.

Taeyong dreaded even the idea of going to school anymore. He was greeted with slurs filled with profanity and hatred. It wasn't only Ten, Lucas, WinWin, and Jungwoo ruining his life anymore, but it was as if the entire school was against him. Even those who didn't hurt him, such as Doyoung and Jaehyun, seemed to add more to his suffering since they didn't try to make him feel better either. Not once did they attempt to stop his bullies. No one did.

As for Mark, he was never around when the bullies striked. And when Mark  _was_  around, the bullies seemed to back off.  _Mark is like my guardian angel. He'll understand why I'm doing this,_ Taeyong thought, though he knew that the living meme wouldn't. Just like his parents, Mark will be confused and deeply saddened by his best friend's sudden death, but at this point Taeyong didn't have it in him anymore to put aside his own feelings so he could make others feel better.

But Taeyong couldn't get it out of his head that Mark is his only friend. The thought warped around his brain, distorting anything else from making any sense. Mark was the only person who cares deeply about him, at least that's what he thought. Sure, his parents exist, but they're not in the least bit informed of what is happening, and sadly, Taeyong doesn't have the guts to tell his parents about his problems.

He's too scared to even tell his parents how he feels. Deep down he knows they'll understand and help him, but at the same time he was too scared of change. Of course, he wanted things to be different, but at what costs? His bullies would be expelled obviously, but surely they'll go after him if they are, right? He didn't want to take any chances. Any risks. He also simply didn't want to deal with them, period.

He was simply just too frightened.

To talk. To smile. To live.

Why doesn't he just change schools? How could he do so without letting his parents know that he is suffering every second that he lives. When school comes to mind, all he could think about are the vulgar insults snapped at him by his tormentors and the occasional punches thrown his way. God by his side, he could count on the fact that he would slip up and end up leaving a hint that he is no longer happy in this world to his parents if he even tried mentioning about transferring schools. But not just changing schools, it also meant replacing his old reputation for a fresher one, one that wasn't ruined for no apparent reason.

But no matter how much he dreamed, his cowardness wouldn't let him have the goals he wanted. So he decided to take the easier route.

End his life.

He stayed home to work on his suicide letter.

Taeyong felt guilty of the fact that his beloved parents would come home to discover his limp, abused body in the bathtub, blood gushing out from between his wrists; because hanging yourself was simply too overused. Either way, this was something he felt he had to do considering the fact there was no light to shine him towards a different path. Taeyong couldn't scratch this out of is head; maybe there was someone who could show him the correct direction even in the dark, yet if they did exist, they came too late. Maybe that person themselves got lost, or maybe that person just wanted to find happiness on their own.

Sitting down on a leather chair in front of his oak desk, Taeyong hastily ripped off a page from his English notebook. He wouldn't be needing it anymore, so it doesn't matter if one measly page was missing. It's as if all the things his teacher had struggled to teach him doesn't matter anymore. Goodbye sloppy notes. Goodbye life.

 Luckily, Taeyong hasn't forgotten how to correctly write a letter, so he proceeds to write the date on the top right corner with a near inkless black pen. Here comes the difficult part though. Having to start off the letter. Of course, he just has to address whoever the letter is for, but he isn't sure who his last words written should be given to. The people that made him hate his life? The two wonderful people who made his childhood fantastic and happy, but couldn't do the same for his teenagehood, or to the one person who actually tried to convince him that he is beautiful inside and out, even when his body was adorned with purple marks and his brain was full with despicable thoughts?  _Or should I just make seperate letters for everyone?_

_Fuck it._

_''Dear everyone who bothers to read this,''_

Better something than nothing.

Taeyong proceeded to write sentences that even now, he wasn't aware that crept inside his brain. Sometimes he felt that the words were too brutal, and would only add devastating blows to those who would already be suffering thanks to the loss of Lee Tae Yong, so he kept erasing and rewriting. Erasing and rewriting. Eras-  _Oh shit, I ripped the damn fucking paper._

The boy sighed and wrinkled the failed letter in between his hands, tossing it aside as he yanked another page from his black notebook.

Attempt #2

_Damn it, I spelled it wrong. I should use a fucking pencil instead of a pen... but I don't see one. Oh well._

Attempt #3

The flustered male read a couple of sentences he just wrote.

_''I deeply apologize to those who are suffering because of what I decided to do today, but please understand that what I was feeling is way worse than you can ever imagine. You could have kept telling me that I'm the most precious human being you had ever met, and I would still feel as if I was floating in a void, with insults being spat at me, insults that I couldn't dodge.''_

Taeyong groaned in agony, ripping the paper in half. He has never seen a suicide letter before, he has no clue what the fuck he has to write. Does he just write what it was that made him so miserable he believed there was nothing else he could do, or does he apologize for ending his own life, one that was already destroyed and beyond repair? Fill it with jokes and irony, or take it seriously? Use metaphors, or get straight to the point?

He would never have expected he would cry due to this, but Taeyong released so many tears he had been holding inside. The stress to choose the perfect last words was too much. Hell, even deciding what he wanted to eat today if he decided to live another day would be an option too stressful for him to decide.

_I'm worthless, I can't even fucking write a damn suicide letter. I should kill myself for being so damn useless to myself. I'm a disgrace. I can't even make damn sense to myself in my own thoughts._

That god forsaken tone rang across the room, distracting him from his troubled thoughts and startling him as it crashed against his ears. Someone must have sent him something to make his life more difficult. How kind of them. 

There it was again.

And again.

Taeyong slammed the black pen against his desk, and rushed over to his phone which has been resting on his nightstand. Throwing himself on his bed, he wrapped himself with his warm, fuzzy blankets, and turned on his phone only to find the exact opposite of what he was expecting.

_''urmomgay liked your post''_

_''urmomgay liked your post''_

Normally, the brunette would be interested in such a matter, but he didn't have time right now to check up on such nonsense, since looking at what memes 'urmomgay' liked would lead to another thing, and somehow he would end up looking at my lps parodies. It wouldn't be the first time, so Taeyong decided to put his phone down. His glance reverted to his desk with paper balls sprawled around on the top, with some littering the floor near his chair. This was hopeless.

Taeyong threw his blankets to the floor as he scooped up the wasted paper and went outside to throw all of them in the garbage dumpster outside, since he didn't want to risk one of his parents finding the disregarded suicide notes for no apparent reason in the trash.

As he came back inside, his curiosity got the best of him as he turned on his screen to reveal the notifications he missed.

_''urmomgay liked your post'' 69x_

_Holy shit, someone must be obsessed with my memes._

Taeyong didn't think it was too big of a deal though, since every few eons random people with nothing better to do would somehow find his memes and spam him with hearts he could only ever dream of receiving in real life. But as that notification was gone, the next one popped up.

_''urmomgay: hey''_   
  
  



End file.
